CIVILITY matters!  Our country, our society, and our relationships are being shredded by our behavior, our insensitivity…and yes, even our sensitivity!

If we disagree – time to unfriend!

If we see things differently – time to extinguish a long-time friendship!

If we vote for different candidates – click “I don’t want you in my life!”

CIVILITY.  It’s a word that I take very seriously and that carries great weight in my life.  I speak and write on the subject…and I love everything about it.  But there’s a lot of emotion, even confusion, around the word.  After all, it’s one thing to DEMAND civility from others.  It’s something entirely different to actually BE civil.

CIVILITY is anchored in respect and has the goal of trust.  It’s CIVILITY that gives birth, maintains, repairs, and even rescues relationships.

It’s CIVILITY that allows us to live, love, and learn from one another. It’s CIVILITY that makes us feel safe, secure, and willing to take risks.

However, CIVILITY has gone missing.  And as a result, we – as a society – are suffering individually and collectively. People, with pain on their faces or in their writing speak of friendships – of years standing – as destroyed.  Civility’s absence is incivility’s opportunity to fill the void.

Sadly, we can’t just ask Siri for CIVILITY’S location or input its address in Google maps.

The fact is that you and I are looking for CIVILITY in all the wrong places.  The source of CIVILITY isn’t out there – with someone else, in some other place.  The source of CIVILITY is right here, right now.  It starts within you and me – within each one of us.

We will never find CIVILITY, if we keep doing what we’ve been doing – insisting on OUR being treated with civility.  We need to insist that WE UNLEASH CIVILITY.


  • Understand that TRUST is the goal of civility. No civility = No trust.  No trust = No relationships.  No relationships = a pathetic state of affairs.
  • Take FULL RESPONSIBILITY to unleash civility. WHETHER OR NOT YOU AGREE WITH THE OTHER PERSON.  It’s more sensitivity for the other person and less for one’s self.
  • Spread Civility through your words and your actions. You are the starting point for contagious behavior.

It’s the lack of CIVILITY that is terminating relationships and creating heartbreak.

And it’s the misunderstanding of how CIVILITY works that fuels this pain.

It’s time to stop DEMANDING CIVILITY from everyone else and start EXPRESSING CIVILITY ourselves!  It’s time to UNLEASH CIVILITY!

Are you willing to join me?